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| Letting Go photo by Lindsey Emerson |
“Do you
realize that you have been on the computer since we got home from church?” he
said.
This was a pretty gutsy question given that he had spent the day playing Madden NFL 12 and planned on parking his fanny on the couch all evening to watch the Super Bowl.
This was a pretty gutsy question given that he had spent the day playing Madden NFL 12 and planned on parking his fanny on the couch all evening to watch the Super Bowl.
“And the
problem is . . . ?” I fired back at him.
He
hesitated, obviously planning out what he was going to say next.
“You have
that resume done?” he said.
I peered at
him over my glasses, angry. Angry and hurt that he felt he needed to remind me
that my position at school had been eliminated for next year. Angry that he was
right. Angry that every time I tried to start, I became paralyzed. Talk about
writer’s block. I rationalized that I would start the resume when the job
descriptions for the new positions were posted. The truth be told, I was
choosing not to start. Starting felt like letting go and I hadn’t let go just
yet. Starting was admitting that I was going to have to reinvent myself if I
planned on staying employed. I still haven’t started. Eventually I’ll have to
get off my pity pot.
Oh Diana, what a step back the district is taking by eliminating your position. You will start that resume when your mind is ready. Any district would be incredibly lucky to have you for a resource. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteOh no! So sorry you have to reinvent yourself. I know you will be able to write your resume when you are reading and have healed, to some extent. Wishing you the best.
ReplyDeleteElsie - you always seem to be able to read my mind. Your comment means more than you know. :)
DeleteThanks Katherine. :)
DeleteIt just helps when someone understands more than anything, so I hear your frustration at the situation at home and the sadness of having to start again. You always have been someone whose ideas I have noted and I can't think you won't find an even better place to teach others what you know. Best wishes, Diana!
ReplyDeleteThanks Linda. It makes feel mad at myself to be such a baby about all of this. I knew this position was a risk when I took it. And I wouldn't change anything. I just need to suck it up. :)
DeleteWhat a loss for your district (i.e., that they're going to lose YOU as a coach when they eliminate your position). You will land on your feet. Like Linda said, you may just find an even better opportunity on the horizon. Good luck to you as you begin your search. I'll look forward to hearing updates.
ReplyDeleteThanks Stacey. I'm sure I'll get it all figured out. It just stinks having to spend my time doing that instead of thinking about cool lessons or focusing on kids. In the end, I think things will work out.
DeleteIt's not easy being able to let go and move on. I'm sorry to hear that about your position. However, I think your title puts things into perspective. Something I realized this week is that, no matter how difficult things might get at times, we need to be thankful for our health and all the blessing that we do have in our life right now. I'm sure that you will find something good in your search.
ReplyDeletejee young
That is so true, Jee! I have tons to be thankful for. :)
DeleteIt's not easy being able to let go and move on. I'm sorry to hear that about your position. However, I think your title puts things into perspective. Something I realized this week is that, no matter how difficult things might get at times, we need to be thankful for our health and all the blessing that we do have in our life right now. I'm sure that you will find something good in your search.
ReplyDeletejee young
I'm sorry to hear about your change in your position. I hope others find you and grab you up!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sarah. :)
DeleteOh Diana...I am so sorry! Your district is going to lose a true talent - but things have a way of working out in the long run. Reinvention can be a freeing experience, although it's hard to think about things that way at the moment, I know.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right, Tara. Reinvention is freeing. I'm just going to have to keep working hard and trust. :)
DeleteYour writing is so honest!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for this transition that you are in - wishing you strong words as you regroup.
Thanks, Juliann. :)
DeleteHang in there! From your posts, I know any district would be lucky to have you. Besides, from what I've found so far in life, usually even something that looks like a bad change can end up bringing you just where you need to be! (Something I'm trying to remind myself, since my program-- which I created from scratch 3 years ago -- has been eliminated as well!)
ReplyDeleteI agree Jennifer, I sometimes think the best things come from difficult changes. Sorry that your program was eliminated. You have to be resilient to be an educator, don't you think? :)
DeleteI am impressed that you are able to blog about something so raw for you--the writing is healing, I bet! I imagine finishing the year in your current position is bittersweet. You are such a valuable resource in this blogging community that I can't begin to imagine the void your absence will leave in your school. On to a new adventure!
ReplyDeleteIt is a hard reality, but the moment will come when you are ready to share in print all the awesomeness you possess! And just think what you have learned in your current position over the course of 2 years! You are an extremely valuable educator and your next position will lead you, your colleagues, and your students to great accomplishments together! Best of luck and I hope you do share in your journey because I know we'll be celebrating what's to come.
ReplyDelete(BTW - I just noticed as I was typing this comment that you are on Twitter! I'll be looking for you!)
I have read your posts for a while now and hear the passion and commitment you have for your job as an educator. The frustration that you have worked through and the perseverance that you have demonstrated will get you through this time. You will be needed by someone who will be lucky to have your support.
ReplyDeleteOh brother! I'm so sorry to hear that your job has been eliminated. Most of the coaching positions in my school district have been eliminated too. I'm in the classroom this year after 15 years of doing coaching and intervention. I will be looking for a job again this year because my school is closing! Something terrific will come along!
ReplyDeleteOnce a coach, always a coach. Yes it may seem that you are reinventing yourself on paper but actually you will be announcing to the world who you are and all that you have already invented and can bring to those in the process of invention!
ReplyDeleteTheir loss, but I know that it is a loss for you, too. I know that grief comes with that--that kind that paralyzes you in front of your computer. And I know that a happy ending is coming your way. Blessings as you travel this next stretch of road. May the way be easy.
ReplyDelete